Expectations

I'm suffering from recurring cases of dejavu. It's making me sound like a broken record. I should explain.

Pretty much everyone I have talked to in the past month knows that I am leaving for Italy. Almost all of them want to talk to me about it, and those who don't use it as filler when they don't have anything better to say.

I have been asked the question "when are you leaving?" a gagillion (yeah, I'm that guy who always exaggerates) times over break. Sometimes I pause just to humor people. "Uhhh, hmm... I think it's January 24th - oh no, you know what? Its January 25th. Because now that I think of it, that's what I told the other 7 people who asked me this hour."

Lately, the most common question has been "so aren't you excited?!" In short, I am. This post is meant for the longer answer, which I have been trying to explain to people I actually care about.

But first - some background information.

Senior year of highschool I went to Milan, Venice and Florence with some of my family for my cousin's wedding. When I got back, I realized I wanted to live in Italy - not just travel. Since then I've been formulating my study abroad plans. It was never a question. I always knew I would study abroad in Italy. In fact, the only decision was "Milan or Rome?" (Apparently the answer was Rome.)

I've been excited for a long time. I've speculated, I've looked at pictures, I've been the guy who asks all the other people going abroad what they did. I like to imagine, extrapolate, and overthink everything until the point that every thought wraps back around on itself. (Similiar to when you start thinking about where the end of the universe is, but then start thinking that if there is an end, then what is outside of it? But then you just end up back where you started.)

So, I'm not giddy. I'm not nervous. I don't have butterflies in my stomache and I don't think I will on the plane either.

I don't think all my expectations, hopes and fears will meet reality until I'm walking on the streets of Rome. Until I'm surrounded by people speaking a language I only ever hear in movies. Until I'm touching those ancient structures you read about in history books and novels.

So next time someone asks me "aren't you excited?!", I'll just say "I'll let you know when I get there."

Ciao!
Matt